The Words

Music has always been a big part of the coping mechanism I utilize to keep myself sane. But like other things in my life I tend to over analyze lyrics because I cannot shut off the part of my brain that should just enjoy it. Here are a few of the songs that cause me to stop what I am doing and marvel at their construction, for good or ill.

Some indefatigable law states that the only clear radio station you can get at work is either sucks dong or is Spanish-language. Where I work is no different, as such I have been subjected to more alt-country and seventies soft rock than any freeborn person should be.

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? by Chicago.

As I was walking down the street one day
A man came up to me and asked me what the time was that was on my watch, yeah
And I said Does anybody really know what time it is
Does anybody really care
If so I cant imagine why
We’ve all got time enough to cry

Let me paint the picture for you, I have to go to Chicago for a very important meeting and decide to crash the night before at a friends place. We go out drinking. Next thing I know it is morning, I’m asleep in a fountain and I am wearing a stewardess uniform. I’m concerned that I might miss my very important meeting, so I check the time on my cell phone and suddenly remember that I sold it for beer money, so I ask the first person I see what time it is. And they reply “Does anybody really know what time it is?” Aw, fuck. I asked a dada-ist. I would kick that dude square in the beanbag and I am a non violent person, what a dick answer to a very straight forward question. I mean, I am hung over, probably late, I likely feel dirty on the inside, and to top it all off Salvador Dali wants to get all existential.

U + UR HAND, Pink.

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just u and ur hand tonight

I always hate it when artist title their songs with words they spell phonetically. What? Does shitty english make you more street? Are you too real for an ampersand you have to use a plus symbol? U and UR are goddamn texting shorthands for girls and the plus sign as it is used here is a fucking hieroglyphic. But on to the song proper, I can tell you as a single chap that this song is probably our worst nightmare. Say you are at a club and you see the prototypical bad girl walk in with some of her friends. You’ve had a couple of shots of liquid courage so you announce to your friends that you are going to talk to her, they all say “do it man, go on! What’s the worst that can happen?” That, alright. That song is the worst that can happen. Not only do you get rejected, but you get rejected in a ABA rhyme scheme which she later puts over a horrible rap metal backbeat and it shoots to number one! Not only that, but the song is also very presumptuous. Sure Pink is rejecting this suitor, but to suggest that her rejection immediately means rejection for the entire night is a little bullshit. Are you saying you speak for all women Pink? I may be floundering about my life like a fish out of water but I can say with absolute certainty that a real woman, i.e. one of grace, brilliance, tact, and beauty, is so far out of realm of your (excuse me, UR) conception as to be alien.

Alyssa Lies, Jason Michael Carrol

'Cause she doesn't lie
in the classroom
she doesn't lie anymore at school
Alyssa lies with Jesus
because there's nothin' anyone would do

I will spare you the lions share of this crime against music save to say the song, in typical country music fashion, is about a small child that tells her father about her friends abusive home and when he finally gets around to doing something the abused kid dies. I know this song is suppose to be a heart wrenching story about a very real issue, and I should note that if this song helped even one person, then this one song did more good than the combined effects of all my rambling. It’s just so damn depressing. Don’t get me wrong, I listen to music that challenges you to think and some of my favorite bands take on causes that need attention. But I don’t think anyone is unaware of child abuse and everyone finds it reprehensible. Do we really need a song to remind us of it at refill our coffers of melancholy? Also, this song has no resolution! That expert is the final stanza, at no point did Jason Michael Carrol sing about how he avenged his inaction but knifing Alyssa dick daddy in the throat so that this song has some bloody closure.

Every song ever written by Nirvana.

I know I will get some hell for this one, but let me preface this with the fact that I love Nirvana. But I love Nirvana like I love a big dumb dog. It’ll come barreling into a room with much gusto a noise only to crash into a wall and look bewildered with it’s tongue out, and I just look at it like, oh you silly beast, I just want to hug you. Kurt Cobain songs are great for what they are; angsty blank verse poetry which were probably written in his margin of his highschool history notes. Later he and some friends laid down riffs that sounded like punk rock on Quaaludes, and he applied the aforementioned poems and sang them in a voice that sounds like a muppet with a nine pack a day habit.

I can tell this is a concept that I will revisit a lot.